I bet he comes in French.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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