Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My vagina is very pro this idea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
