I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
