Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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