I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
