she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
