I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
