Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
