I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
