youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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