Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
