I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
