How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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