I don't think brook has ever known best
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
