He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
