I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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