Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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