I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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