put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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