I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
