She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
