okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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