under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
