My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
