when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
