Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
