so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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