I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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