hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
