dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
