I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I understand Curling. That high.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
