Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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