I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
