New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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