I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
