I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
