did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
