She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
