I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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