You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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