The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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