Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
