Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
