Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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