took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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