omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
