At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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