Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
