Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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