508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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