If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
