Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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