When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
