oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
