take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
