Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
