I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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