were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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