i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
