Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
