Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
