I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
