I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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