dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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