I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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