she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
